Rocky Maivia and the Philosopher's Stone
by Clawson
Summary: (*Chapter 5 finally*)Harry Potter books, WWF (E) style! The Rock as Harry Potter, and much more!
1. Characters

1 Disclaimer: J.K. Rowling owns Harry Potter, and Vince McMahon owns the WWF!  
  
2 Characters  
  
The Rock: Harry Potter. The Rock was either going to be Harry Potter or Ron Wesley! I don't think Ron Wesley has $300 dollar sunglasses, know does he?  
  
Hulk Hogan: Ron Weasley. Okay, so I know Rock, and Hogan aren't best of friends, but with the recent storyline Hogan fits in her.  
  
Trish Stratus: Hermoine Granger. Don't ask, I'm on a sugar rush!  
  
Scott Hall: Draco Malfoy. Well, the nWo leader should be Malfoy right?  
  
Kevin Nash: Crabbe. Hall's right hand man is Malfoy's right hand man!  
  
X-Pac: Goyle. He is nWo, and that is all that matters!  
  
Mick Foley: Albus Dumbledore. So, obvious right? No? Oh well, can't think of any good reasons!  
  
Undertaker: Voldermort. Okay, so this one is self-explanatory.  
  
Kane: Hagrid. Originally the Big Show, but he turned nWo, so I changed it to Kane.  
  
Linda McMahon: Professor McGonagall. She seems to be the only one sensible for this role.  
  
Vince McMahon: Professor Snape. Vince is a dick, and so is Snape!  
  
Shane McMahon: Vernon Dursley. Another, why the hell does he play that character.  
  
Stephanie McMahon: Petunia Dursley. Please, don't ask, it's just because they have the same last name.  
  
Rikishi: Dudley Dursley. Well, Dudley is fat, and so is Rikishi!  
  
Edge: George Wesley. Edge, and Christian have to be the funniest tag team ever, so I thought they would be perfect!  
  
Christian: Fred Weasley. See above!  
  
Lita: Ginny Weasley. Lita has red hair, and I thought she would be good as Ginny! Don't worry I'll fit Jeff, and Matt in somewhere!  
  
Stone Cold: Sirius Black. Don't know where I got this from really!  
  
Piers Polkiss: Scotty 2 Hotty. Thanks to GinyuBrick for this idea! This part really fits in well.  
  
A/N: That's all the characters I can think of for now. I'll add to the list later, and if you have any ideas, post it in your review! 


	2. The Boy that Lived (and turned his boot ...

The Boy that Lived (and turned his boot sideways, and shoved it straight up the Undertaker's candy ass)  
  
Shane, and Stephanie McMahon were very odd people. Shane was a power hungry idiot who tried to run his father out of business with his sister Stephanie. Now what kind of people marry their siblings! Well, considering that Stephanie was disgusting, brutal, bottom feeding, trash bag, ho, who is really surprised? They had a son, named Rikishi, and they thought there was no better boy elsewhere. However, they lived in fear of people finding out what type of people their cousins were! Mr. Maivia had a son, and the McMahon's didn't want Rikishi messing with a boy like that.  
  
Shane went out to find work again that day since he failed to run his father out of business, and lost his job. Shane went to the local bakery shop that had a sign that said Help Wanted. Shane went in, and heard people talking about a Maivia! Shane panicked, and bought a bun, without even asking about work! Shane continued to walk down the street, and noticed a lot of people wearing weird robes, and whispering to each other. Shane overheard some of their conversation, and it involved the Maivia's again! Shane rushed home to talk to Stephanie!  
  
"Shane, what is the matter," Stephanie said in her usual voice, "you like stressed out!"  
  
"I just heard something about the Maivia's," Shane said shocked, and Stephanie fainted. At that precise moment, Rikishi started crying, and Shane who looked like he was going to have a heart attack had to run off, and see what the matter was. Shane finally settled Rikishi down, and found Stephanie had woken up. They went to bed, and Stephanie fell asleep right way, but Shane stayed awake thinking about the Maivia's! His last thought before falling asleep, was that even if the Maivia's were involved why would they bother them. Boy, was that jaborni wrong!  
  
Mick Foley walked onto the McMahon's street, and took out Socko. He rolled Socko into a ball, and all the lights went out on the street. Mick saw a pair of eyes in the darkness, and had to laugh. "Is that you, Linda," Mick asked towards the eyes, and he noticed they disappeared!  
  
"Yes, Mick it is me," Linda said as she walked towards Mick, "what brings you here?"  
  
"You did here of Undertaker's defeat, didn't you," Mick said looking at Linda.  
  
"Yes, but why here," Linda asked after flinching at Undertaker's name, but then a serious look came upon her face," is it true that Rocky (as in the Rock's dad) is dead!"  
  
Mick sighed, and let out a quiet, "Yes." Linda looked shocked, and wondered about his son, Rocky Junior!  
  
"What about Little Rocky," Lind asked concerned, "is he alright?"  
  
"Of course," Mick said with a weak smile, "Kane should be bringing him!"  
  
"Can you trust Kane with a task this big," Linda asked concerned.  
  
"I wouldn't trust Kane with my life," Mick said looking serious, "what the hell have I done!" Linda rolled her eyes when a huge motorbike sound was heard in the air. Linda, and Mick looked at each other with horror, but then saw it was the Big Show!  
  
"Were did you get that bike," Linda asked Kane as he hopped off with the Rock. Mick just sighed with relief.  
  
"Mr. Stone Cold gave it to me," Kane asked with tears in his eyes, "he was really sad about Rocky, that he forgot about saying what every time!" Mick looked even more stunned at Austin not saying 'What' all the time, than at the motorbike sound!  
  
"Not saying 'What'," Mick asked shocked, "I didn't Austin could be that depressed!" Mick was absolutely astounded, but took Rocky from Kane. Kane waved good-bye, and went to take Stone Cold his bike back. Linda disappeared turned into a cat, and she walked away. Mick put Rocky on the McMahon's step, and put a letter in his hand! Mick waved a final good-bye, and disappeared.  
  
"Crap," Mick said as he got back to Hogwarts, "I forgot to turn the lights back on!" Mick appeared back on the street, and unrolled Socko. All the lights came back on as Mick left, and wizards all around the world raised their glasses to Rocky: The Boy who Lived (and turned his boot sideways, and shoved it straight up the Undertaker's ass!) 


	3. The Vanishing Glass (and the voice that ...

1 The Vanishing Glass (and the voice that broke the rest!)  
  
Eleven years had passed since Rocky had been left on the McMahon's doorstep. He had been woken that day by his aunt's scream, but than again so had the whole neighborhood! However, when one went inside the McMahon's home you wouldn't have even have guessed that Rocky still lived there. He was asleep for the moment but not for long!  
  
"Get up, get up now," Stephanie screeched. Rock jumped in his bed, hit the top of his cupboard, and looked scared.  
  
"The Rock does not need to hear that in the morning," Rock said rubbing his head where he hit it on the top of his cupboard, "Coming," he yelled louder. Thankfully Stephanie didn't hear him say that she was a put all you nickels, and dimes in a bag, Greenwich slut, or he would be placed in his cupboard for a long time! Rock looked for his clothes, and put them on. Somehow all of the Rock's clothes, or Rikishi's hand-me-downs were turned into 50-dollar shirts, and pants! The Rock put on his 30-dollar sunglasses, and left his cupboard!  
  
"Watch the bacon, and don't let it burn on Rikishi's birthday," Stephanie snapped as the Rock went into the kitchen, and saw Shane reading his paper.  
  
"Boy, I think," Shane started, but...  
  
"It doesn't matter what you think," the Rock yelled as he flipped the bacon, but the Rock knew he was going to be punished.  
  
"Starting tomorrow, 5 days in your cupboard," Shane roared, and the Rock rolled his eyes as he flipped the bacon.  
  
"It's ready," Rock yelled, and he felt the whole house shake as Rikishi ran down the stairs causing some bacon grease to fall on the Rock, "slow down Fatkishi, the food ain't gonna get any smaller!" Shane glared at the Rock, but didn't give him any cupboard time. The Rock put the food on the little room left on the table, which was mainly taken up by Rikishi's presents! Rock muttered something about a momma's boy, and sat down in his chair waiting for Rikishi. The Rock got bored, and started singing a song about pie, and Shane slapped him. The Rock slapped Shane back 5 times than spat on his right hand, and punched him again. Shane however throws the Rock into the corner, and Rikishi comes into the kitchen wearing a thong. Rikishi spots rock the Rock in the corner, and slaps his ass! The Rock groans, and tries to move, but he already is lowering his butt into the rock's face. In agony the Rock grabs a rolling pin, and shoves it straight up Rikishi's candy ass! Rikishi moaned in agony, and Stephanie ran in.  
  
"What happened, Rikishi," Stephanie asked as he sobbed in her arms.  
  
"Rocky shoved a rolling pin up my bum," Rikishi wailed.  
  
"Yep, I did that," Rock said washing his face, "and I guess you should be used to it, right Aunt Slut, I mean Stephanie!" Rock smiled, and the rest of family glared at the Rock in shock!  
  
"Why, I'm going to come over there, and," Shane started, but was interrupted by the phone. Shane went to pick it up, and he seemed angry as he talked. "Bad news, Steph," Shane said in disgust, "Mr. Brawler broke his leg, he can't watch this idiot," he jerked his thumb towards the Rock.  
  
"Idiot," the Rock scoffed, "I'm not the one that married my sister, or has a son that is only 11, and weighs 150 pounds!" Shane, and Stephanie glared at the rock, but the Rock gave just did the 'Just Bring It' thing with his hand!  
  
"So, what do we do with him," Shane groaned.  
  
"You two jabornis could leave me here," the Rock said looking innocently!  
  
"No," Stephanie shrieked, "and find the house in ruins! You can stay in the car!"  
  
"The car is new," Shane said trying to stay calm, "I guess he'll have to come with us!" Rikishi looked horrified, but the Rock smiled. The bell then rang!  
  
"Oh they must be here," Stephanie said running towards the door. She opened it up, and Rikishi's friend Scotty 2 Hotty was standing there. Rikishi ran, and the two hugged.  
  
"Damn, you guys are like Billy, and Chuck," the Rock said with disgust, and he started to walk towards his cupboard.  
  
"Get in the car, rock," Shane said, and the Rock swore at his failed attempt. They drove for a while to get to the London Zoo, and when they arrived they bought a candy bar for everybody except Rock. However, the McMahons couldn't get Rock away fast enough so the lady asked him what he wanted.  
  
The Rock looked around the zoo, and yelled, "Finally, the Rock has come back to the London Zoo!" People gave the Rock weird stares, and he just laughed at embarrassing the McMahons! The morning went very smoothly, and they went to eat at a Wendy's. Rock got to finish Rikishi's Triple Classic, when Rikishi complained it was too small! The Rock should have none it was too good to last. That afternoon they went to the reptile house, and Rikishi, and Scotty ran over to the biggest snake, the boa! The boa however was asleep.  
  
"Mr. McMahon, can you make it move," Scotty whined, and Shane walked over and tapped the window. The snake still didn't move! Shane tapped it some more, and they moved away from the snake to look at the other ones.  
  
"What do those jabornis think they are doing," the Rock said, as he started to move away.  
  
"Knocking on my window," a voice hissed from behind the Rock.  
  
Rock looked at the snake, and asked, "Are you talking to the Rock?"  
  
"Yes, I am talking to the Rock," the snake said, "and why do you refer to yourself in third person?"  
  
"The Rock talks," the Rock started, but was stopped by Scotty's screaming.  
  
"Rikishi, you have to see what this snake is doing," Scotty yelled, and Rikishi came running by, and ran over the Rock. The Rock stared at Rikishi, and all of a sudden Rikishi screamed! The Rock looked up, and saw the snake's glass had vanished, and it was sliding out. Stephanie ran in, and she screamed causing all the rest of the glass to break! The Rock did the only thing he could think of, and he ran like crazy! 


	4. The Letters from Nobody (and the Cannon?...

1 The Letters from Nobody (and The Cannon?)  
  
The punishment the Rock received was the longest one he received. He kept wondering what had caused the glass to disappear, and why the McMahon's were blaming it on him. A couple of weeks after the McMahon's allowed the Rock out of the cupboard, Rikishi was modeling his Dungeon (Stu Hart's Dungeon) uniform during breakfast, and the Rock was trying not to laugh when the mail came.  
  
"Rikishi, go get the mail," Shane told Rikishi tiredly.  
  
"Make, Rocky get it," Rikishi whined as the Rock came back from underneath the table.  
  
"Rock, go get the mail," said Shane sternly.  
  
"Make Rollie Ollie Pollie get it," the Rock said hoping Shan would fall for the same trick twice.  
  
"Rikishi, hit him with your kendo stick," Shane said, and Rikishi swung at the Rock who slide underneath the blow, and grabbed the mail. The Rock looked though the mail, and was surprised the find that one of the letters was for him. He knew it was for him as the address was: Rocky Maivia, 4 Pivet Drive, The Cupboard. The Rock brought the rest of the mail to Shane, and looked at his letter. He was about to open the letter, when Rikishi gave a squeal.  
  
"Dad, Rocky has a letter," Rikishi yelled, and before the Rock could get away Shane grabbed the letter.  
  
"Now, who would be writing to you," Shane sneered as he opened up the letter, but as he read the first few lines he went red to green faster than a set of traffic lights!  
  
"Shane what is it," Stephanie asked surprised, and she read the letter then fainted.  
  
"Give me my damn letter jabroni," the Rock yelled, but Shane threw him into the hall, and dragged Rikishi out.  
  
Rock and Rikishi tried to break the door down, but they Shane locked the door. Rikishi finally gave up, and said, "Why would somebody give you a letter?"  
  
"I don't know," Rock said, but then realized that Rikishi was making fun of him, "I'm gonna kill you!" Rock jumped on Rikishi, and the two began to fight. They fought for a while, and the Rock just hit a Rock Bottom on Rikishi just as Shane opened the door.  
  
"Rock, we decided that you can have Rikishi's spare room," Shane yelled, "now get your ass up there, and no dinner for you!" Rock groaned as he head upstairs to the room, but he wished that he was in the cupboard with his letter.  
  
The next day as the Rock headed down for breakfast he heard Shane bellow, "More letters what the hell is going on!" Rock ran downstairs, and saw that a million letters came in from all the windows, and doors.  
  
"What the," the Rock said in shock, but Shane roared at them all to pack a bag. Rock never seeing Shane so mad before so he ran upstairs, packed his bags, and ran out to the car. Shane in a rage as Rock had never seen before drove around all day, and Rikishi was complaining about missing all of his TV shows. They finally arrived at a hotel, and much to Rikishi's dismay, there was no TV!  
  
The next morning they ate breakfast, and the owner of the hotel walked in to the breakfast room. "Is there a Rocky Maivia here," the baffled owner asked, "I have about a hundred letters for him!"  
  
The Rock started to raise his hand, but Stephanie kicked him in the shin, and Shane, furious, said they were for him. After Shane returned without the letters, he again ordered them into the car. After driving for a while Rikishi started to complain about the TV again.  
  
"It's Monday night, Raw is on," Rikishi whined," and Harry Potter is facing Malfoy for the Undisputed Title!" The only reason Rikishi remembered the days was because of TV, and the Rock remembered that tomorrow was his 11th birthday!  
  
Shane stopped on the bank of a river, and left the car for a good half an hour. He returned with a long skinny package. "We're staying at the cabin in the middle of the lake," Shane with a smile as he pointed at a cabin in the middle of the lake on a rock," we can take that boat." The Rock looked at the boat, and almost fainted. The boat was small, and would surely sink with Rikishi in it. Obviously the ride across was very unpleasant, and the Rock was glad to get to the cabin.  
  
"Rikishi you'll sleep on the couch, and Rock on the floor," Shane said still holding onto the package. Rock groaned, and he found it hard to fall asleep. The Rock thought it most almost be midnight, so he looked at Rikishi's watch, and he saw it was only a minute until his birthday!  
  
The Rock watched the watch, adn he counted down:  
  
50 seconds  
  
30 seconds  
  
10 seconds  
  
9  
  
8  
  
7  
  
6  
  
5  
  
4  
  
3  
  
2  
  
1 BANG, BANG!  
  
"Where's the cannon," Rikishi yelled as he woke up! 


	5. The Keeper of the Keys (and the Wet Spot...

(A/N: Sorry for taking so damn long to finish writing this, and it's short.)  
  
  
  
  
  
The Keeper of the Keys (and the Wet Spot)  
  
BOOM! Rocky, and Rikishi looked towards the door nervously as somebody wanted to come into their hut on a rock. Then there was a crash behind them, and Shane ran into the room with a rifle. However, he slipped, and fell into a table causing the shotgun to go off, and blow off the handle. The door fell off the hinges, and a large figure stood in the doorway.  
  
"What in the blue hell happened," Rocky asked standing up, and looking at the door. Or he was just trying to avoid the wet spot that Rikishi created on the floor.  
  
"The door fell open that's what," the large figure grunted, "what are you Rocky stupid?"  
  
"Don't make the Rock take his size 7 ½ shoe, and shove it straight up your candy ass jabroni," the Rock said walking towards the figure.  
  
"Don't make me take my size 23 shoe, and shove it up yours," the large figure said as he stepped into the house.  
  
"I'll shut up now," the Rock said sitting down in Rikishi's wet spot, which made him stand up again.  
  
"But, I won't," Shane said stepping out of the corner with the shotgun, "I'll fire!" "You're like all other McMahon's, except Linda though," the man stepped into the light, and Rocky could see he wore a mask, "oh and Happy Birthday Rocky. Here's something for you."  
  
"How in the blue hell did you know when my birthday is," the Rock asked confused at what was going on, "and who in the blue hell are you?"  
  
"My name is Glenn Kane. Everybody calls me Kane though," the man, or Kane said, "and Foley told me. You must know about Foley, and Hogwarts." "Nope, sorry," the Rock said innocently. Kane fists clenched with anger, and the Rock moved out of the way.  
  
"It's not your fault," Kane said growing angrier, "it's that lousy McMahon! I'm may not be the person to tell you this, but you're a wizard Rocky. So, where your parents."  
  
"A wizard," the Rock kept saying to himself, "how am I a wizard, if I keep getting beaten up?"  
  
"Happens to all wizards, when they don't know that they're one," Kane said sitting down, "oh well, I guess we can go into London tomorrow to buy your things."  
  
"No way," Shane said," no way am I paying for some cracked up fool to teach Rocky magic tricks!"  
  
Kane clenched his fists, pulled out a torch, and yelled, "Never insult Foley in front of me!" Kane shot a flame from his torch, and Rikishi grew a pigtail. The McMahons shot a furious glance at Kane before running to the bedroom. However, they slipped on Rikishi's wet spot, and slid into the room, and hit a shelf that came crashing down on them.  
  
"What the? Oh well, shouldn't have lost my temper," Kane sighed, "I would like if you didn't mention this to anybody at Hogwarts. Oh well, guess you better go to bed. Good-night Rocky." 


End file.
